enigma

today
I laugh a lot
and I keep telling best friend about random stories
like,... a lot


what is wrong with you?


but still,
I smile
and I join their happiness


what is wrong with you again?


your outside and inside
it did not match at all

which one is you?

you kept too much things by your own.
please
do not make it bigger

find someone who can comforts you
and the one that you would be comfortable with,
someone that will accept your flaws
and you can accept theirs,
—completing each other.

,

arrived home late today
completing tasks

hang my tote bag at the chair
and backpack at the floor
switch on the study light
and my eyes stop at it,
the roses,
the dying roses
the one that I bought three days ago

it just
.....same
like me.....

such a long day,
looking at the roses makes me feel sad,
I wanna let it all out

wait
stop

no

turn off study light

do not start

you are going to be really fine,
I promise.
I love you.

b l o o m

 

w i l t e d

enigma
e-nig-ma
a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand

a note on 18th of December 2019 by jijaahmad

Color of Days

it's been a while,

hello with my really late October haul ❤

*overdose inspirational quotes all over in this entry*

F I N A L L Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y Y! 😍

...

A PROPER PLANNER FOR 2020

After high school, I got really obsessed into daily planner stuff which is to jot down every single things that I've done for the day, things that I need to do, goals and more. But, there are some of the days that I am totally busy and forgot to update anything in the planner and it always take a while to build my layout for every pages. End up, I will leave it empty 😂 There's no pressure actually, we need to have fun while doing it. The good part of daily planner is the #task, we can check all the task that we need to do and tick it afterwards if we have done it.

Sooooooo, enough with that intro part,

let me introduce to you Planner by Aqisbi. 

"Does all these life goals bring me closer

to my ultimate life goals?"
(ie. Redha Allah and Jannatul Firdaus)

"When Allah tests you, it is never to destroy you,

when He removes something in your possession,

it is (only) in order to empty your hands,

for an even greater gift."

Ibn Al-Qayyim

__________

Never give up.

People will always discount you,

and you'll always get rejected.

But set your sights high.

Be boldly ambitious.

Be relentless and never give up.

__________

Cover Design : Sky Blue

Price : RM25 + RM8 (postage)

Total : RM33

They have 8 design options for the cover planner and it is sooo nice.
I've been taking time to choose between sky blue or black marble, both are pretty for sure!
Final decision ; Sky Blue - it looks so soft with the color combination  ☁

Planner by Aqisbi comes with ;
- Planner 2020 (full color pages)
- Budget Planner
- Wall Calendar 2020

The main reason that I choose Planner by Aqisbi as my Planner of 2020 - full of colors! 🌈

__________

Don't try to be perfect,

just try to be better than you were yesterday.

Small progress is

still a progress.

__________

The first page of the planner.

"The clock is ticking, are you becoming the person you want to be?"

Fitness Goals

Mission to be more healthy in 2020!

(just wait for it, skippppp 😂😂😂)

for this section, it has weight progress and body measurement that you can fill in for every months 

L a   T a h z a n

Don't be sad.

D u ' a
A dua can make the impossible,

possible again.

The back of the planner.

__________

If you

give up now

then what

were you even

fighting for?

__________

Budget Planner

book size : 18cm x 13cm

great size enough to let you bring it wherever you go

__________

Once you really accept that spending

money doesn't equal happiness, you have

half the battle won.

Ernest Callenbach

__________

The back of the budget planner.

__________

I make

myself rich

by making

my wants few.

__________

Wall Calendar

Free gift

🌵

ugh, favorite! 

magnet book mark

totally wouldn't be a waste, I use them a lot!

❗

To sum up;

I really love all of it but it is super detail and full of colors which I can't really adjust it to the way I like. I prefer minimal planner that have some part of space for me to create something on my own. But anyway, for sure, I will make a good use of it! Best part ; lotsssssss of great quotes 💕

Update;

By the way, join Planner 2020 Giveaway by Messarah for free! (but follow the conditions stated) 

It is still open until 20th of December 2019. Who knows one of you guys would be lucky, right? 

But, I am also thinking to give away the budget planner, the wall calendar of 2020 and some more stuff,

sooooooooooo who's in for a giveaway?

👀

__________

for more details or purchase, visit here;

https://plannerbyaqisbi.com/

I'm Sorry

To the poem I put
into a book
before it was ready
I’m sorry I didn’t wait
a few lines longer

To the flowers
I picked before
they were ready
when sunlight
still shone
like a prayer
on their petals
I’m sorry

To the man I will
love and love
until the word love
no longer means
anything to anyone
I’m sorry I wasn’t ready

—Lang Leav

hai, jija

lama dibiar menyepi yang tiada khabar
lama sungguh 'rehat' yang dimahukan
rindu menyapa.

dan ketika duka tiba tanpa dipinta
segera lari menyibukkan diri
yang sebenarnya memerlukan masa bagi pulih
sebelum setiap kuntum bunga itu mekar
lalu menyimpulkan satu senyuman indah dari si gadis

mengapa lari?

tertanya sendiri.

tidak pernah habis dugaan andai lari itu pilihan
sebaliknya memanjangkan kisah
tanpa noktah yang perlu.

si gadis baru mengerti.

masa itu antara yang terpenting.


sebahagian memori indah 

tatkala perlu ketenangan,
dipilihnya laut dan pantai
tersimpul senyuman
tenang.

tatkala rindu hadir,
dipandangnya kedada langit
luas

hati,
ini semua sementara.

terlalu mencuba untuk kuat tapi tiada ruang buat jiwa yang ingin rehat,
perlahan tak mengapa asal ada.

harus setia tersenyum.

terpisah segala

bukan simpati yang dipinta, hanya sekadar coretan dari jiwa.

Aku jarang sekali bercerita tentang ayah, terlalu jarang, tiada rasa malu atau cuba menyembunyi, hanya mahu jauh dari segala kata-kata mereka. Yang aku tahu, dia sudah aku sematkan dalam jiwa, terindah segala memori. Tapi, buat kali ini, benarkanlah aku mencatat secebis dari kenangan bersama, agar terselit juga di sini, agar masih dapat ditatap kemudian hari. 

Dulu, aku selalu tertanya sendiri, bagaimana rasanya kasih sayang dan belaian penuh manja dari seorang ayah kepada anaknya? Seusia aku baru menginjak sepuluh tahun, ayah disahkan menghidap penyakit yang serta-merta mengubah kehidupan kami. Tatkala masih bersekolah rendah, aku sentiasa tidak memahami sehinggalah menginjak dewasa, perlahan-lahan semuanya aku pendam, mula untuk memberi ruang, merangkak memahami setiap satu darinya. Ibu, insan yang luarannya sangat kuat, ditempuhnya segala takdir dan dugaan tuhan, kental membesarkan kami yang masih perlu didikan, digalas semuanya dibahu, dialah ibu dan dialah pengganti ayah sehingga kini.

Perubahan mendadak yang sangat terkesan bagi aku, saat ayah tak mampu ingat anak bongsunya ini, bukan sahaja aku, malah semua. Tak mampu bercerita tentang bagaimana malam menjadi saat yang paling ditunggu untuk meluah rasa yang mencengkam dada. Kenangan sebelas tahun dilalui dengan menjaga ayah, sangat indah, semuanya terasa jelas. Jujur aku bukan anak yang baik, tipu jika dikata tiada keluhan yang keluar, aku manusia yang tiada sempurnanya. Kekuatan yang datang semua dari ibu, tanpanya mungkin aku berterusan rebah. 

18 April 2019, pergilah sudah insan yang bergelar bapa kepada enam orang anak dan suami kepada ibu, meninggalkan kami atas takdir ketentuan Ilahi. Terhapusnya segala kesakitan yang dilalui setelah sekian lama, yang aku syukuri ketikanya. Dihujung hayatnya diuji, kami sekeluarga juga turut terkesan, sangat mencabar dan pasti tuhan mengetahui hal itu, Dia sentiasa mengetahui. Terduduk meraung tanpa mampu dihalang. 

Mensyukuri masih berada disisinya sehingga hembusnya nafas terakhir. Segarnya memori ini 🍂. Dan kini baru aku mengerti sebuah rindu yang tiada berpenghujung. Mengajar aku untuk menghargai semua yang masih setia disisi, penuh memberi semangat, tiada putusnya.

Buat ibu tercinta, terima kasih untuk setianya dirimu sepanjang menjaga ayah. Terima kasih buat semangat dan kekuatan yang kau setia ajarkan. Penat lelahmu selama ini akan aku doakan semoga Tuhan membalasnya dengan yang paling terindah di akhirat kelak.  Tiada doa yang akan putus buat kalian berdua, ibu dan ayah. Akan setia ada disampingmu sehingga tamatnya perjalanan hidupku. 

ayah,

rindu.

__________

20 Mac 1956 - 18 April 2019

Al-fatihah buat arwah ayah.

Rumah Sarapan

Tak ada plan pun nak breakfast luar harini, sebab mood malas datang untuk bersarapan. Lagipun memang kebelakangan ni selalu lunch terus (brunch). Tapi disebabkan tiba-tiba kakak call minta tolong untuk ambik dia dekat Perodua, awal-awal pagi, jadi dia ajak pergi breakfast terus.

Rumah Sarapan, Sungai Petani is our choice for today's breakfast. Memang dah lama teringin nak cuba, akhirnya ada rezeki jugak. Dari nama pun dah boleh agak, cafe ni terletak dekat kawasan perumahan. Lebih senang, bersebelahan dengan Parkson Taman Sejati. Kalau yang dari jauh, boleh keluar dekat highway PLUS Sungai Petani Selatan. Sangat dekat dan mudah dicari.

Roti Kukus Telur Sambal Bilis

RM4.50

My sister order roti ni, katanya sedap sebab sebelum ni dia dah pernah makan sini dan menu ni tersenarai dalam favorite customers.  Sedap! Sambal best, pedas-manis centu. Portion pun besar, alhamdulillah kekenyangan katanya 😂 

Humpty Dumpty Plate

RM5.50

sebab nama comel... 

toasted bread + half boiled egg + baked beans + cheezy wedges = It suits my taste really well! 😍 

Ada pulak kacang panggang, memang menawan hati betul 💖 Dalam menu include hashbrown bukan wedges tapi mungkin jugak sebab waktu sampai situ dah nak dekat 11 pagi, mungkin habis tapi masih puas hati. Nampak macam sikit atau banyak? Tapi portion pun besar jugak bagi aku.

IndoMee Special
RM6.50
if I'm not mistaken

indomee always in list of favourite! Seperti yang dijangkakan, akan sentiasa sedap. Yang ni kongsi sebab order lambat, makan dua orang pun banyak.

Overall

puas hati dengan makanan, portion, tempat pun selesa 👍 Harga sangat berpatutan dan sangat kena dengan jiwa serta perut.

★★★★★

do you notice that this is my first post of foods...? 👀
I don't really great or have that ideas to describe but I will try my best for the next post about it!


__________

D e t a i l s ;

📍

C 182, Lorong 12, Taman Sejati Indah,

08000 Sungai Petani, Kedah.

📞

012-482 2957

Business Hours ;

7.30 AM - 11.30 AM

Closed on Tuesday

Facebook Page (here)

Instagram (here)

kuat

kuat kau tak terduga
itu yang mampu dikata
terpancar setiap darinya

penuh dan sentiasa dengan senyuman
menutup segala mata mereka
serta rapat ditutup perasaan sendiri

"engkau kuat," kata mereka.

takkan ada yang memahami
kecuali yang melalui.

cukuplah untuk tahu
senyuman dan kuat yang kalian lihat ini
hanya untuk yang membesarkan aku
agar tidak risau anak bongsunya ini

aku baik-baik saja.

mungkin

andai sentiasa menunjuk lemah
aku tak akan mampu untuk mengukir senyum
aku tak akan mampu melalui hari demi hari.

andai aku berkongsi kisah hidup
sentiasa bergenang air di kelopak mata
akan aku pinta sentiasa bahu untuk melepas setiapnya bebanan hati

hidup tak akan seperti sedia
hanya diam seribu bahasa.

aku juga ada lemah terkadangnya.

kerna aku tahu yang aku kuat,
jadi aku sedia melangkah,
walau ada durinya,
harus tetap kuat,
kerna itu sahaja pilihan buatku,
kuat.

nota;

maaf kerana lama menyepi.

doa yang baik-baik sahaja, buat apa pun.

you can do it

note of the day by @zulianaeusoff

[click here—it leads to the video]

pre-chorus:

So I stay awake

Wondering

If leaving is a big mistake?

chorus:

I tried to make you look for me

To be your everything

Oh what else should I do

To make it through to you?

You are unthinkable

Almost impossible

Oh there's nothing left in me

So I let my eyes speak

_______

Here's to the ones who are underappreciated by their partners, who need to realize and who needs a slap on their faces—that they should just chow. Tak ada manusia yang benar sanggup berubah 100% untuk kau hanya sebab kau sayang dia dan kau dah curahkan segala isi hati jiwa raga kau kat dia. Know your worth.

Jangan putus berdoa dekat Allah. He's the Almighty, He hears, He listens and He knows everything you mumble and feel in that heart of yours.

_______
Somehow it just makes me feel better. It is part of Allah's perfect plan for each of us. Every single thing that happens, there must be a reason behind it. Go through it with your braveness and I know you can 😉

sad love #1

The chances that I have are limited, short and it is...sad. The last one before you're gone—for good. Fresh moment that I remember, the video call—I am smiling widely like nothing happens. Just to make sure that you are in great condition as you're so ready and determined to face the future that you've choose to go through. "To a better future," you said. Time flies too fast, we look at each other like we're not going to meet anymore, it is...sad. The atmosphere—calm, mostly it feels like the weather is comforting me. I smile again.

But, deep inside, I am weak. The future might be beautiful but to go through, it might be scary.

"Don't leave me..."

"I'm sorry, love..."

Ah, I hate hearing that. The fact that he is apologizing for the past few days. It is scaring me.

The messages...I am speechless. I couldn't reply to it.

"I need you to support me, my love. I am deeply sorry. For leaving you alone and for asking you to wait. I know it is going to be hard. But I also know this great woman would be strong enough to go through all of this. You might cry, you might scream out loud, looking at our pictures and the memories that we've created...I know you, but you can. My love can do this, right?"

All the clouds in me are raining 🌧
More messages—reminders from him; simple and lovely.

"I will be back, that's my promise. So I need you to wait for me."
.
.
.
.
.
"It is time for me to go..."

There's no more way to stop him.
He's leaving.
He left.



and here, I'll be waiting for you.

🍁

"One piece of film, I will remember you as warm spring."