Tuesday, May 30, 2017

tentang kekasih setia

Ketahuilah semua apa yang kalian semua sudah mengetahui, untuk menunggu itu suatu yang memeritkan. Di sini aku selitkan kisah sama ada benar atau tidak, pasti ianya pernah berlaku. Biar aku failkan setiap satu isi sudut di dalam hati seorang kekasih menunggu kekasih hati.

Aku bukan pengarang hebat yang mampu menarik minat dengan hanya kisah tersendiri, tapi setiap antara kita punya jalan cerita masing-masing dan setiap yang berlaku aku pilih untuk tulis, catat, taip. Supaya bila berinjak dewasa; bakal aku selak bacaanku, menatap baris ayat yang aku olah, satu hari "tak sangka aku pernah melalui hal-hal ini," gitu.

Biar saja jika cerita ini aku tambah biar sedap dibaca, tapi asal isi kisah ku ini dihayati dan difahami, buat semua. 


Sunyinya dan sepinya membelenggu jiwa-jiwa penghuni rumah ini. Setelah khabar berita anak sulung ibu yang tidak dapat pulang akibat kerja semuanya bagai muram. Aku tahu berita yang aku sampaikan itu terkena pada jiwa perempuan tercintaku ini. Jujur sebenarnya tak mahu aku khabarkan berita sedih itu kepada ibu, tapi kalau tidaknya dikhabarkan bukankan penungguan itu bakal jadi yang sia-sia? 

Walaupun aku tahu selepas berita itu dikhabarkan, ibu masih tetap akan menunggu dan akan sentiasa menunggu. Cuma bezanya jika tidak diberitahu, ibu akan selalu bertanya, diminta bertanya khabar anaknya yang jauh, diminta record suaranya melalui whatsapp; katanya biar anaknya tahu si ibu sentiasa merindui dan biar anaknya melepas rindu mendengar, begitu penjelasannya. 

Aku tahu ibu sudah terluka.

Aku juga tahu ibu rindu, siapa yang tak rindu anak oi. Tambah-tambah pula susah mahu bersatu, kalau berkumpul pun tak selalu lama. Aku tahu ibu pendam, setiap kali berkumpul ibu sering menatap wajah seorang demi seorang anaknya, tumpah kasihnya tak pernah berhenti, adakah kalian semua faham akan perasaan anak bongsu seperti aku ini yang sentiasa ada bersama ibu, tidak jauh, sentiasa ada, aku sudah hafal semua reaksinya, bahasa tubuhnya, perlakuannya.

Aku tak mahu bersuara kerna aku tahu, pabila aku bersuara semua bakal aku luah, ungkit biar terasa kesal mereka, hanya satu sebabnya aku tahan-- ibu.

Aku tak kisah kalau tidak pulang, tapi rindu ibu itu selalu--begitu juga dengan aku.
Aku tak kisah kalau tidak pulang, asal sentiasa berhubung, bertanya khabar, biar hati si ibu girang.
Aku tak kisah kalau tidak pulang, walau sibuk terlalu, asal jika ada masa yang singkat, luang,
mesej pun sudah bermakna.
bukankah ini semua buat wanita yang sudah bersusah payah melahirkan kita?
kenapa terlampau berkira?

Aku tahu.
Aku sebagai seorang anak pun bukanlah selalu menjaga.
Aku juga sedar terkadang sebagai anak terlepas juga bicara menyakitkan hati ke orang tua.
Aku juga sudah sedar yang terkadang kita ini melukakan hati orang tua di luar keinginan yang sebenar.

Aku tahu.
Aku juga seorang anak,
yang punya orang tua,
sama seperti kalian semua.

(sudah aku peram episod ini dari raya 2016, entah mengapa jangan ditanya)

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Blue Sky Tag!

have been lack of ideas to write these day, but thanks to Afifah Addnan & Kaella , I could finally post an entry about ;

The Blue Sky Tag is created for a good chance to know each other (bloggers) and be a part of the blogging community. So you can make new questions that you would always want to know from others blogger, it would be great if they can answers them too. 

For this tag, you should follow the rules, here it is ;
  1. Answers the 11 questions given
  2. Tag 11 bloggers
  3. Create 11 new questions to answer
Let's start it!

1. What was the last movie you watch?

it is such a long time, since I am working, yeahafter visiting old school, my friends and I straight away to the cinema with all of us wearing baju kurung, got chill 😎
2. What are you trying to achieve with your blog?

I am right now putting some goals for the future of this blog. This is the platform for me to write. I would love to publish my own book, if people would ask, what kind of book you would love to publish?, I would say a poem book (check out my hashtag of #wordsbyJA and others yaa!) , or a thought book (it is also refer to the version of diary, journal) (something that relate to the reminder to self, cute notes, imagination—that can make people realize sth) I want to publish book(s), and also would love to make it as my side income. I also want to try to make money with this blog, why not put some rewards for the things that you love, right? as a symbol of your hardworks, I guess. So, it seems I have to work harder, from now on(loooong way to go)

3. Do you think you are someone with a sense of humor?

em not sure, sometimes, I bet I am 💁 , you would describe me as a happy-go-lucky kind of person if you know me, yeah

4. Imagine 10 years ago. How does that make you feel about yourself now?

10 years ago, I was still in a primary school. I feel pretty good since I have to answer this question makes me refresh some childhood memories, kind of—apparently it has such a big differences, I am loving it more now 💕

5. How would your friend describe you?

hahaha, this is seriously fun, I've got tons of answers, I wouldn't post all of it, so I post a picture at insta-story says "Need some answers for an entry in my blog, you should just describe me from your point of view." so,

this is from one of my bestfriend 😂
alahai, describe level paling tak ikhlas sebenornye pun  😂😂
6. Do you have hobbies that others might find unusual?

friends and family does told me that I am weird for having a collection of mugs, cups, tumbler and etc.

7. Have you done anything illegal?

skip classes~~ (so boring)

8. If you ended up being a prisoner, what likely to be the reason?

I'm shock for this question, never think about this and why should I ahaha, maybe the reason is because of stealing?...

9. What most likely the thing that will get you angry?

there's a lot to list down 😂 but mostly for sure, I don't like people change the position of my things such as stationary or makeup stuff if I have organize it neatly, so far~

10. How do you handle yourself when you are angry?

actually I don't really know how I usually handle myself when I am angry...

11. Best thing to eat when you are angry?

I eat chocolates 🍫 to makes myself calm, but I hate it for some reasons, fat fat

here's the questions from Kaella 🌸

1. What is the most bad things you’ve ever did ?

I guess I shouldn't have to share at here the 'most' bad things, right? So here I would say the bad things that I did for myself. Firstly, I am stupidly begging for something that I don't ever wanna lost, but still, they choose to go. I also let those people who let me down, it feel frustrating, but the pain just disappear by the time.

2. Baking or cooking ?

I'm more to baking rather than cooking, but I do cook, it is just baking is such a never-ending-hobby 🍪

3. If you have  rm100000 in your bank account, what would you do with that money ?

If ever this is the reality 💰 the first one I would fulfill all the needed things for both of my parent and myself. Next, I would try to open up a business since money will be slowly fading away if we don't know how to manage it, yeah, that's it.

4. If you see someone sitting in the walking road, asking for money, did you give them money ?

maybe inshaAllah, depends on their way too

5. What would you do if stranger say “hi assalammualaikum” to you ?

would answer them back because it is a must to reply for muslims and after that I would just smile, ahaha cause I am not so good to give expression to strangers, I would just wait for them to start a conversation.

6. Who is the most important person in your life ?

Both of my parents, family, bestfriend

7. Who is the lucky women / man did you call everyday ?

I'm such a boring person, don't ask me. (motif nak elak soalan)

8. What kind of selfie you did last time ?

a face-swap selfie with my nephew!

9. What is the most wish list you made that come true ?

A new phone! Because I've been using tablet before, and for the size sometimes really annoys me and I have use it for years and it has been sick lately, but still, i love you just because for everything 💖

10. Watching movie in cinema or shopping ?

can I choose or? aha it's not easy! But I would choose shopping because I only go to cinema if I have any plans with my friends mostly.

11. What is the first thought when you first blogwalking to my blog ? 

"the owner of this blog is so cute! 😍"

I would love to tag;
SA-VIORS | Fatin. | Hanah | Hafzhan Rauf | Nana Johari 
--i don't really know who to tag to, freely can do it and share the link at the comment section or at my cbox 💕

my questions;

1. What would you name a fanclub if you have one and why.
2. Show your makeup palettes collection or any makeup stuff that you love.
3. Recommend one of your favourite book and rate for it.
4. Show your handwriting.
5. What do you think you're good at?
6. vintage theme or garden theme or beach theme for wedding?
7. Three current favourite songs.
8. Top three favourite store to visit when you go to mall.
9. Tell about a unique thing about yourself.
10. Recommend three blogs, why?
11. What do you think about my blog (jarsofjournal)?


Thursday, May 18, 2017

hati ini,

aku menunggu.

walau tahu disebalik rasa,
tidak bakal diluah,
terus menunggu,
kubiar rasa hati ini,
menahannya pedih rasa.

tak mengapa,
lambat laun juga bakal,
aku sudah rindu.

bagaimana aku harus bicara kepadanya tentang satu itu?
apakah ayat itu bakal hanya sekadar meniti di bibir tetapi hati jauh tidak mengizin?

aku tahu rasa ini,
aku mahu katakannya,
tapi bagaimana?

adakah aku yang harus biar bicara itu bermula dari aku yang menunggu sekadar buat dia yang lansung tak menghargai atau aku yang sering terpesong arahnya terhadap itu karena laki-laki itu egonya menggunung, jauh untuk berkata-kata hal yang ini sekali.


aku menunggu.

(please do not put pressure, it is just words that sometimes I think it is nice to share from my imagination 💕 )

Sunday, May 07, 2017


some sketch of mine from 2014 

Do you know the feeling when you're so happy that you can't imagine ever being sad again?
Or when you're so sad that you no longer believe you could ever be happy?
When you tell me you love me,
I always think of that strange emotion—that feeling of impossibility.
You say you love me,
and you can't imagine a future without me in it,
yet all I can think of is how you must have felt the same way once about someone else.

—Lang Leav