breathe (한숨)

take a deep breath;
so that either side of your heart becomes numb.
exhale one more time.

until you feel the slightest of pain;
it’s alright if you feel so full of air;
that you feel,
nothing’s left inside you anymore.
no one’s blaming you.
it’s alright to make mistakes sometimes.
it happens to the best of us.
the words, “it’s okay” -
they may be nothing but words,
but isn’t there a day that i can,
do something about somebody’s sigh?
that deep breath of sorrow.
i can’t understand your innermost thoughts;
but that’s okay. i’ll take you in my embrace.
i’ll take you in my embrace.

to others, your sigh may seem
like one of tiredness, but i know
that you spent an entire day
so different that the smallest breathe is hard to breathe.
don’t think of that any longer; take a deep breath.

but, isn’t there a way that i can
do something about somebody’s sigh?
that deep breath of sorrow;
i can’t understand your innermost thoughts.
but that’s okay. i’ll take you into my embrace.
you’ve done so well.



— l e e   h i

_____
composed by: kim jonghyun + wefreaky
lyrics by: kim jonghyun
arranged by: philtre (planet shiver)
translation by: @ikon0t7
copy from: fyjjong

_____
while listening to this song—it feels so calm yet so sad, it’s just flowing slowly.

burned out

he was certain
so was I
there was comfort
in her sighs
dreams and ideas should not be the same thing
You waited smiling for this

oh she’d want it
if she knew
she could take it,
I thought too
be careful be cautious but you just wished harder
you waited smiling for this

chorus

“But they love you!” over and over “they love you!”
thousands and thousands of
eyes just like mine
aching to find
who they are
and they love you! oh you can feel how they love you!
coated and warm but that’s
all they can do
words only get through
if they’re sharp

Oh how fitting
for one so fake
make me a fairy
whatever it takes
and just like her tale my dream was a scam
Oh you waited smiling for this

I am burnt out
I smell of smoke
it seeps through her cracks and so I start to choke
sentences sit in her mouth that are templated
You waited smiling for this

chorus

I can just talk about it
maybe I'll talk about it
i'll never talk about it
i cannot talk about it

don't build hope on something broken
i am not cartoon
cry for help
i am not joking
i might just leave soon.

—dodie clark

S a v e e B e a u t y

yayy for more entry in terselit-beauty-post,

and yayy for another Savee Beauty haul 🛍

feelin' proud of myself (-lazy is the new busy 😎) 

(ignore,ignore)

so let's get right into it ;

Savee Lip Protector — Strawberry 🍓

tak berapa suka sangat, paling least favourite, tak pernah lagi setakat ni apply dekat bibir 😅

Savee Lip Protector — Apple

selalu guna lip protector as lip balm (of course), apply sebelum pakai lip matte yang paling kerap atau kalau duduk rumah seharian—kalau rasa bibir kering atau pucat memang akan apply memanjang. Apple ni paling best, smell so nice—semanis 🍎 ye, my favourite.

Lip Protector — Cherry 🍒

yang ni pun okay, biasa-biasa tapi lama sikit lepas apply rasa macam mint (?), bukan kebas tapi rasa fresh gitu, nice—boleh tahan, tapi tak favourite sangat.

kalau tak silap Savee lip protector ada lebih dari tiga tapi dekat booth cuma ada yang diatas sahaja 👆, ooh, cherry ni sebenarnya beli waktu second purchase, tapi tak update entry. 

Blusher 1

bukan selalu pakai blusher pun sebenarnya, tapi nice sangat color, jadi bila fikir RM1 ja, boleh buat collection sikit-sikit kan? 

but I gave this to my sister 😁

Blusher 3

I loveee this one - it is more to nude-ish, tapi tak cuba lagi. sangatlah menarik perhatian seketul manusia ni 👀 tak berapa nak confident apply blusher, even rutin harian kalau keluar—compact powder, eyeshadow (kalau rasa perlu-mostly tak perlu), lipstick atau lip matte, perfume, I'm done!

kali ni tak beli mask sebab ada banyak lagi tak guna, so save dulu, lain kali ada kita sapu ye.

_____

this is not my first time purchase their product, you can check it 👉 [here] 👈 my first haul of Savee Beauty, include today's haul entry, it has been three times. 

Savee Beauty website ; [ here ]

Savee Beauty instagram ; [ here ]

go and check 'em out!

I've been lack of ideas these days to update entries, but a big no to excuses, and this entry - I am pretty sure - totally boring.

cleanser (s)

there's more actually, if I put all of them, it wouldn't look nice   👀

em review ke?

__________

Eversoft Cleansing Foam 

   15g trial pack   

   RM1.98   

sudah terang lagi bersuluh dari front packaging—tomato dan timun, maka tak ketinggalan bau cleanser ni sedikit sebanyak terpengaruh, entah kenapa tak berapa selesa dengan bau dia, agak tak menyenangkan (my opinion—the side of my weirdness). 

   formulated with 100% organic plant actives   

   free from parabens, alcohol, mineral oil, triclosan and no animal testing   

good point untuk Eversoft Foam Cleanser; lepas cuci muka rasa sangat licin (for a good-long time), which is great, tapi baru try three of their trial pack, so it is not too great to do a review. Well, will  come back after I use it?

memang waktu terjumpa dalam guardian taknak beli banyak even trial pack, purchase tiga dulu, so far okay (boleh la tahan setakat guna tiga trial pack yang kecik-comel-sayang nak picit bebanyak waktu cuci muka—okay), tapi serius appreciate sangat produk yang jual trial pack, in case bila pakai tiba-tiba tak sesuai dengan muka dan dalam masa yang sama ada banyak lagi kuantiti produk—rugi. So, cleanser ni akan jadi second option mungkin sebab tak berapa suka bau dia, (sebab terbaik kenapa terletak dicarta kedua atau ketiga mungkin  😁) 

__________

Nanowhite Fresh Gel Cleanser

   10g trial pack   

    RM1.00   

jatuh cinta   💘

ah jatuh cinta dengan Nanowhite Fresh ni, ada high expectation untuk yang ni, and it is right! bau wangi, suka. waktu bilas dengan air dekat muka, rasa segar dengan buih cleanser. 

    No Paraben | No Mineral Oil | No Animal Derivatives   

ada baca sikit dekat website, memang asalnya line produk untuk Nanowhite Fresh ni mostly untuk masalah muka berminyak, so this product included vitamin C, tea tree oil and sea algae 👍👍

short cute note here; it's Nina, the girl at the packaging, lookin' cute there 😉

ni sekali purchase dengan Eversoft cleanser, beli tiga jugak awalnya, but I am lovin' it so far, termasuk harini dah guna sembilan trial pack and currently using, would definitely repurchase.

Kenapa tak beli the actual size terus? (because my friend ask me this question) well, I'm planning to buy the set of three yang ada Nanowhite Fresh cleanser, miracle mist dengan moisturiser, would be more affordable dari beli produk ni berasingan, you can save some of your moneyyy too.

boleh check sini, Nanowhite Website

__________

rasanya trial pack ni tak semua guardian & watsons ada, setakat yang pernah jumpa hanya dekat guardian dan sama juga, tak semua guardian ada jual. for me, yang memang jenis takut nak cuba produk lain, trial pack akan jadi sangat berguna, at least—mencuba adalah big step yang kita buat, siapa  yang nak muka sendiri bermasalah, kan? sebab memang tak ada skincare routine, hanya mencuba tons of masks (all type), lepas habis sekolah baru rasa nak memanjakan muka sikit—

😁😆😅

would update more in terselit-beauty-post soon?

tower of papers

no words

I have no words

no words that can heal

all that is broken

or for what they feel

no, I have nothing

for this sort of pain

but we can keep loving

We will love in their name

And though some are broken

We will not be scared

You can't take away kindness

You can't take away care

But I have no words

that can help with the pain

My heart’s with the grieving

because what could I say.

—dodie clark

...

It took so much time, finally, success and escape from september. It has been raining heavily most of the days, and so do my heart, it kept raining heavily too. And for now, the last day of october, nothing much have change, patiently waiting for november to appear, in hope that better things are coming.



"please don't cry"
"please,"


dear, perhaps you can change it to


"you can do it, hwaiting"
—or
"you are doing great until now, keep moving forward with better!"


it is okay to feel sad sometimes, but you have to keep looking forward and slowly gather all of your strength to walk in the future. Even in your small steps, your effort will make it bigger.

that would sound much better 😊

" you build me up. "

I should write more I guess, it's a way to solve and also can be the book for myself to read over and over again without feeling bored. I am not too great with words, but sometimes, my own words can makes me feel so alive, in my own world, cheering my own self.

"—and it took most of heart to follow the flow, my heart in raining heavily too."

_____

Allah knows when you do something for someone and they don't thank you.

He knows when you get up to pray in the early hours of the morning 

while the rest of the world is asleep.

He knows when you hold your tongue instead of being rude or disrespectful.

He knows when you don't argue with your parents even though you know you're right.

He knows when you do the right thing when no one is watching.

He knows when you make du'a for your enemies instead of hurting them with bad words.

He knows when you do the smallest of good deeds, so small even you forget about it.

Allah knows.

_____

"It is a journey, make it great to be the experience that you have been through successfully."

_____

Hug them.

If you can't hug them, hold them.

If you can't hold them, don't say a word, just look at them.

If you can't look at them, try to make them acknowledge at your existence.

Tell them you're sorry-even you're the one at fault.

Tell them you're there for them.

Tell them they're worth more than they think they do.

If they're being sulky, it's okay,

they too deserve to feel a little love.

Tell them they deserve all the time and space in the world to be sad, angry and grieve.

Give your attention, make them feel wanted.

I don't know about you, but that's a great way in cheering someone up.

_____

"You're feeling burn out and discouraged, but you've made it this far and that's really brave—"

I love to write a lot, even at the smallest things—when I bought new cactus, how lai guan lin from wanna one makes me want to fangirling again (trust me I have tried to not being obsessed with k-pop), and when mum surprise me with my favorite vanilla caramel along with red velvet cake from one of my favourite cafe ( 😱😍 ) and I cry for that because she never did that before, got excited when sister text me says, "open this website, pick something that you want," 💕 oh-my-sister-so-great-and-thoughtful-sometimes. —and there's a lot more, if I continue, it would be my entire life story. would you believe me?



I am so grateful

and

I am so happy


with writing, it can make someone feel so great.

more appearance in #noteoftheday

Umm,
failure is totally an option.
It's actually one of two main options in most scenarios.
Instead of lying to yourself about the possibilities,
choose instead to brace yourself for any outcome and be ready to learn from the experience.
Your creative life is a journey and every step is moving you forward.

—Adam J. Kurtz

( currently in love with all of his work—quotes )

another speech

—Would I do a great job?

"I can't promise for a wonderful and beautiful story lines, but you can enjoy and have fun while reading me."

That would be great enough.

I've made it.

I've made it.



I've made through it.



It has been such a long time, a year to add on is incredibly long and have been so hectic. I've been waiting for the day to come, where I can finally put a final full stop for all of the crazy—up and down—roller coaster. The seventeen years old of a girl has been the past, it is finally to make more things better.

I can't lie, I need to agree to those who says that the more your age increase, the more you need to go through. I am still young, a lot of things to discover but that does not prevent me from those uneasy feeling, getting hurt, receive happiness from favourite people, got excited when sisters ask to pack for trips, bought a lot of cute notebooks and did not use most of them,   👀   yeah—

But all of things that happens, it somehow gave me strength and motivation for certain reasons—to move forward with the experiences that I've bring along, even if I would lack in something, I would try the best that I can—not to be label as perfect but to be label as the best after tons of practices and hardworks.

hello, october girl.

[ seventeen-october ]

Sannah Helwah dearself, thankyou for getting stronger day by day, your toughness to survive every single day in your life would be pay off with something even more better, in shaa Allah, put your trust to Allah because He knows what is the best for you.

Moga sentiasa dalam lindungan Allah hendaknya, aamiin.

keep smiling,

stay positive.

the photo of cake is actually a surprise from family when I've just got back from trip with my second sister, alang, as soon as my sister and I arrived home, they are like "surrrrrrpriseeee!~" aww shoo shweet 💕 and after photo session with fam I just go straight to the bed,   👀  okay—

both picture—the left and the right is my dinner with my close friends, ainaa and yayan at mamak and I bring together the birthday cake to give to them (okay I think I've always kept some of my birthday cake to share with my friends, woa, I just realized about that).

okay, that's great, sharing is caring.

loving this for some reasons~

that's it, a short yet teary (it is only me) speech from myself for my birthday.

happy belated birthday, dear me.

💜

_____

comment down below your birth date, would love to know!

would you be so kind?

one of   [ you ]   ;

Would You Be So Kind?

I have a question

it might seem strange

how are your lungs

are they in pain

cause mine are aching

think I know why

I kinda like it

you wanna try?

oh would you be

so kind

as to fall in love with me, you see

I'm trying 

I know you know that I like you

but that's not enough

so if you will

please fall in love

I think it's only fair 

there's gotta be some butterflies somewhere (wanna share)

cause I like you

but that's not enough

so if you will

please fall in love with me

I'll write a story

be in my book

you got to join me on my page

at least take a look

oh, where are your manners?

you need some time?

let's swap chests today 

that might help you decide

Oh do me a favour

Can your heart rate rise a little

—dodie clark

more of dodie clark ;

main channel — [ here ]

other channel (vlog) — [ here ]

twitter — [ here ]

instagram and snapchat — doddleoddle

fish float

akhirnya!

entry yang telah diperam—

____

first day raya aidiladha memang selalu biasa-biasa, tak berapa meriah. Catat sejarah jugak sebab tahun ni aku lansung tak pakai baju raya, kawan mak aku datang pun bantal pakai baju biasa. Kakak-kakak dengan abang semua balik beraya sebelah mertua dulu, jadi hari kedua dengan ketiga baru berkumpul sikit-sikit.

Rasa kelainan jugak, mungkin sebab along (satu-satunya abang aku) cuti lama, walaupun tak keluar pergi mana-mana dengan dia. Tapi dia balik kali ni, memang sentiasa bawak anak dia kalau nak keluar, sebab memang jarang along nak ikut kecuali dia sendiri yang ajak atau semua adik-beradik ikut. Lagi pun, anjang (kakak ketiga) dapat cuti banyak hari jugak sebab patient tak ramai katanya.

Boleh dikatakan cuti sekolah aidiladha semua adik-beradik full berkumpul. Cadangnya memang nak pusing Penang, sebab memang ramai sedara tinggal sana, boleh ajak join pergi berjalan, lagi ramai lagi meriah. Tapi sebab mak aku tak berapa nak sihat, harus dibatalkan.

____

Disebabkan alang (kakak kedua) memang sentiasa ada, rumah dia dekat, dia suggest pergi swimming pool, sebab dulu, memang wajib kalau semua balik cuti, confirm akan pergi The Carnival—Sunway Lagoon, entah kenapa tahun ni terhenti terus pergi The Carnival 😞

Last-minute sangat suggestion ke Alang Kenari. Esok nak pergi, harini baru plan, nasiblah tak kena booked apa-apa since nak pergi swimming ja.
____

sedutan kisah baru masuk swimming pool.

"eecha, can acu (seketul j.lo) borrow your fish (float) ?"

*pandangan tajam tepat mengena j.lo*

muka dia tengok aku macam tengah cakap dalam hati,

"acu ni dah kenapa buang tabiat nak guna pelampung aku yang kecik sedangkan dia besar gedabak, eh eh eh dia ingat muat nak guna ke hah?!"

over sangat kau.

entah kenapalah dengan aku, tengok dia guna pelampung ikan tu comel sangat, padahal nak guna sebab nak tangkap gambar dua tiga keping, memang tak guna pun sebab kecik, dia punya renungan tengok aku tu lain macam 😂

h i !

ini j.lo bersama pelampung ikan kepunyaan eecha.

hai, ini eecha!

baru masuk kolam, muka pun tak teruja lagi waktu ni dan setelah digesa acu beberapa kali untuk menggunakan pelampung ikan, eecha kemudian beralih arah ke pelampung itik pula.

sedaya upaya berapa shoot try nak buat splash tu, gigih okay gigih.

m u a h a h a h a h a

okay, ini mika.

dari awal sampai nak balik, keterujaan yang tinggi, excited sangat, gigih nak jalan sendiri taknak guna pelampung lansung, tak bagi orang pegang dia, kena monitor dari belakang ja, seronoknya dia 💕

keterujaan baru sampai si eecha ni, terus turn on mood ikut abang dia, taknak guna pelampung.

paling hyper, yaya.

test lagi

my first niece, aisyah.

acik.

gambar dia yang sama banyak dengan anak menakan, since gambar semua dari phone aku, tak berapa teruja nak swim, banyak aku yang snap, gambar aku pulak yang sikit 😑

berehat kejap pekena aiskrim, memang nikmat.

abang ipar aku rajin pulak menyembang dengan pakcik jual aiskrim ni, katanya aiskrim homemade, tapi serius sedap! sedap dia rasa lain, dua kali jugak beli 👍

since dekat sini ada chalet, of course ada tempat boleh makan, yang sempat nampak dari jauh macam ada food truck, tak sempat nak tangkap gambar, truck dalam kawasan, tapi tak pergi tengok pun sebab sebelum datang singgah makan dulu.

nice view!

...

"nice la tengok semua gambar"

okay, angkat bakul sendiri.

untuk siapa yang pernah singgah instagram jarsofjournal [ sini ] ,  mungkin akan perasan aku banyak guna filter ACG, dekat VSCO. Selalu try untuk gambar scenery, buildings, etc, bagi aku nampak sangat nice. Filter ni sebenarnya collaboration NikeLab × VSCO,  filter ni kalau perasan, ada sikit purple-ish shadow macam tu, so filter ni current favourite untuk guna.

#notsponsored

__________

Alang Kenari

Address; Lot 1964, Jalan  Yan, Kg. Acheh, 06900 Yan, Kedah.

Hours;

Sunday — Saturday ( 9:30  AM — 6:00  PM )

Closed: Tuesday 

Fee; 

Adult/Kids — RM5

__________

for more information;

Facebook Page Alang Kenari ; ( s i n i )

terbang

jika selepas jauhnya ini,

masih kau ingin aku menjadi segalanya penggalas

yang segala pemberat dibahu mu itu,

masih lagi aku mahu akur.

kerna bukan aku yang kepilkan setiap janji

yang sentiasa menebal acap kalinya bersua,

bagaikan dihidupnya harapan menggunung,

yang sungguh aku tidak dapat menyangkal bahwanya itu aku, 

yang dengan setia menunggu terciptanya janji-janji dilakar indah.

malang,

buat aku,

yang engkau hulur,

cebisan janji yang bagai dengan penuh riang ia bertaburan

setelahnya berterbangan senang,

terpaku aku bagainya tidak mampu mengeluar sepatah jua kata,

masih aku akur.

setelahnya semua,

dimintanya supaya aku yang memilih.

setelahnya semua,

masih aku yang harus memikul.

setelahnya semua,

aku sedia, biar aku yang ungkapkan ucapan.

biar aku sahaja yang terbang.

walau aku tahu isyarat dari kamu sudah lama,

yang dengan penuh akurnya aku,

setiapnya untuk kamu,

aku bakal terbang.

bebas.

setingginya mampu aku,

biar aku terbang.

tititp malam

aku kini mengatur langkah
mengubah jarak,
semampu jauh aku—seperti yang kau mahu

dengan semua yang kau tutur,
sedang aku cuba menghapus setiapnya

kau lihat aku diam tanpa maju lalu makin tegar menghiris jiwa senipis yang kau boleh.

tanpa yang pernah kau sangka, dalam langkahku masih penuh doa
pilihan diri yang kau telah pilih
katanya ini yang bahagia tercipta
heh, semoganya.

tajam aku mengena semoga kau merasa juga.

tiada bicara, tiada juga balah
bukan pilihan jiwa, tapi sudah dihiris
bukan salah sesiapa untuk dituju
terkena jiwa, parah menanggung
biar—

__
tanpa sedar, dititipnya setiap malamku
curahan jiwa laju mengatur langkah pena
menulis bait kata mengasari setiapnya helaian kertas.

__
entah mengapa, yang dulunya aku beria riang bagi segalanya juga
kini aku semakin tenang.

dan sedarinya aku dalam setiap titipan doaku seusai setiap solatku,
aku bermatian,
dipenuhi jurai air mata,
ya
Allah maha mendengar.

ketenangan tak terucap aku kecapi,
ya tuhan,
ini bahagia yang kau beri,
ini yang aku perlu lalui,
ini petunjuk-Mu yang begitu indah,
ini terbaik yang tercipta.

ya tuhan,
ketenangan terhingga ini,
semakin aku mahu memilikinya.

__
dan aku titipkan setiap malamku,
agar yang lainnya tidak bakal melaluinya perit yang dirasa.

tampal di jiwa

dan aku failkan antaranya yang pernah kita cipta di laman yang bermakna—

3:15 am

when your days turned bad and you're feeling lost, your heart feels empty while your tears keep falling down and you feel your chest is in a real pain but somehow you believe in Allah's perfect plans for every single human in this world, keep your chin up, smile beautiful 🌹

couldn't ask for more because I am so grateful for everything. Family and close friends give endless kind of support to show how sincere they are and to make me feels that I am important to them, well said that Allah will replace all of your sadness or bad things in life with happiness and you just have to wait for it, put your trust in Allah. 

___

some people choose to leave after years of together and some would choose to leave in a real short time of knowing—some built long speech of reasons and some just leave things unsaid but somehow both of it take the most part in heart, silently breaking apart. 

Sometimes, I do feels myself in such a weak condition which I only want to lying down on my bed without doing anything and sometimes I really want to cry a river just to let things go free from my mind and scream loudly and sometimes when it is raining I would keep staring outside through the window and let myself drown into it, I truly hate these kind of things which is feel like I am just standing still and let the bullets hurts myself—but alhamdulillah, somehow I prefer to keep myself busy with housework, planting, keep meeting close friend and hang out together, keep myself more busy for Allah too, which is kind of therapy for me 😍

Always remember that there will always Allah's perfect plans for you, as a muslim, we should plan as many as we can for life and let the rest of things to Allah.

as reminder for myself and also everyone who can accept this;

block negativity and don't let it lead to depression, it is somehow can kill. 

may your upcoming days would be beautiful and fills with lots of happiness 🌸